Mind Your Manners

Australians swear a lot. I didn’t realize this until I spent time in Los Angeles. One gets the impression from films (and certain TV shows, most of which originated on premium cable networks – Showtime, HBO, I’m looking at you) that Americans practically invented swearing, they do it so effing much; maybe they do, but not in LA, not in public, and not like an Aussie. We drop the f-word like a mofo (this is me trying not to swear and instead using cutesy abbreviations). But it’s not just swearing that marks us out as different; it’s also manners. I consider myself to be a polite person, but I rarely begin a question with “may I please”. I more often use tone of voice (and of course my charming accent) and a smile in place of formal good manners. Nobody has accused me of being impolite (yet) so I guess something is working (maybe it’s just that darn cute accent) but sometimes I feel uncouth in the presence of my fellow Angelenos.

Of course, LA is an unusual town in many respects. Because show business is THE business in town, and because success in the business relies so heavily on relationships, everyone is afraid of offending everyone else. Because that douchebag taking 10 minutes to order his coffee just the way he likes it – Large, decaf latte, not too hot, oh do you have almond milk? What, no? Well, do you have Soy Lite? Is it the one without the hormones? Wait, is that your largest size? – might be some hotshot producer you want to read your screenplay, or cast you in his next film, or introduce you to that agent who won’t give you a meeting even though you know the bitch will just LOVE you.


These are personal encounters though. Presenting the best face, face to face. The good manners don’t extend to driving. In fact if you’re too polite on the road, you won’t get anywhere. But we’re anonymous in our cars, safely ensconced behind tinted windows, inside immense urban tanks; running red lights, not bothering to indicate, get the f*@% outta my way a$$hole! OMG, was that Tom Hanks?

Accent

Work it, baby.  Americans love the Australian accent - although they can't always distinguish it from British or South African dialects - and there appears to be no shortage of us in Los Angeles.  You can hear it in cafes, bars (both behind and in front of), yoga studios, supermarkets and auditions (of course).  Naturally, if you're in LA to seek work as an actor it is essential to cultivate a flawless Standard American accent.  Most of the available work - paid and unpaid - will require it and it's a common recommendation to walk into an audition speaking American.  They'll assume you're American anyway, so don't give them a reason to listen for anything else.  But don't lose your Aussie twang; for a start, it's one of the more difficult English-speaking accents to imitate (especially for Americans, the Brits do a better job), but perhaps more usefully, you'll make friends more easily and get free stuff.  That's right, you heard me.

Ply your natural asset - yes, I'm still talking about the accent - and watch shopkeepers, bartenders and even law enforcement soften at the sound of your lovely, lilting diphthongs.  "I love your accent," they aver, grinning.  I've been offered free drinks, free personal training and free postage; discounted copying services, rent reduction and a cheap wedding (okay, I made that one up).  There may have been other factors at work in these instances (such as my ethereal beauty and pheromone-engineered perfume) but I believe my accent sealed the deal.

And don't get all impatient and annoyed at being mistaken for British, they're trying to pay you a compliment most of the time, so be gracious about it.  You'll soon find yourself in a pleasant conversation wherein they share their own stories about travelling to Australia (or someone they know who did) and what wonderful things they experienced (or heard about) and how cool and funny and friendly Aussies are, and before you know it you've exchanged cards or scored yourself a freebie.  At the very least you've been given a smile and that's nothing to frown at.